She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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