i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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