shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
