My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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