I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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