Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
