I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
thus making me awesome and them whores
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
