My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
