i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
