No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
