Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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