I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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