I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
