so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
