There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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