I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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