A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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