I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
