Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
