Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
