The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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