We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
