i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
