he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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