4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
