He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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