I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
