Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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