i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My apartment stinks of burning failure
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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