weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
