my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
