you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
