you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
They are going to name an STD after you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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