great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
