Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
