I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
