I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
