I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
