so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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