I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i've created a new STD.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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