operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
