Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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