Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
