remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
