What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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