Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
