WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
