Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
