i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
