I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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