frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The power of my boobs compel you
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
