they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
