I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
