I just threw up on my dentist
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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